We do it all the time. We place things in boxes, in hopes that one doesn’t “spill over” to the next, with the thought that if something is “off” at work, it won’t affect home life. Or, if things are difficult at home, if you shove those thoughts and emotions into a box, it won’t affect your work. The problem is, that’s not how humans operate.
If you have a rough morning with your kids, and you attempt to shove your frustration into a box, you are more likely to perceive things at work from a more defensive viewpoint. The smallest things might get to you moreso than they would if you had had a calm and connected morning with your family. The same goes for the opposite way; many people who come home frustrated about work find it easier to be short with their families. When this happens often, emotional health begins to take a hit, relationships alter, and performance suffers.
This tendency to compartmentalize emotion is, in other words, fighting what is. When we expend energy fighting, denying, pushing away, or ignoring emotion, we give those heavier emotions more power. Essentially, it’s asking for a toddler-meltdown-in-the-grocery-store situation. Instead, if we practice ACCEPTING the emotions for what they are, without judging them as bad or unwanted, the easier we can release them. Sometimes, it is as simple as just saying to a colleague, “I had a rough morning with my kids.” Or telling your family, “I am so glad to be home, because I’ve had a really tough day.” Saying things out loud, and letting those around us know what we’re feeling (in a healthy way), can allow them to extend a little grace, and gives them insight into how to work better with you. Maybe that colleague offers to get you a cup of coffee, or your spouse offers to do the dishes while you take a walk or a hot shower. In other words, leaning on those around you by being authentic and vulnerable will allow them to help you create ease and support for yourself.
Life is not compartmentalized, but interwoven. Work affects health, home, friendships, and more, just like the other things listed affect work. While the traditional paradigm might have you believe that’s a bad thing, I would say it’s a wonderful thing. Because all aspects of our life are so intimately intermingled, when we improve our attitude or situation in one area, the benefits of doing so are likely to be experienced in another. It’s so wonderful to see my clients get coaching for one area of life, and come back and share with me how those insights and shifts have enhanced so many other areas for them.
In summation, our power lies in creating awareness for the emotion, and accepting it, really feeling it, and allowing it to be. Life is cyclical. There will be days that feel heavier and those that feel lighter. When we can create equanimity to both, we find space to breathe, space to feel, space to be, without attaching self-worth to any of it. And when we do that, we experience ease in all aspects of life, not just the ones we shoved into a box.