Every December, I’d feel the pressure to set New Year’s resolutions, whether because everyone around me was talking about doing it, or through being inundated with ads for gym memberships, home cleaning services, or something along those lines.  I’d start off January 1st with a bang, intensely focused on making the new year the one where I finally made things happen.  But like most Americans, by February, the demotivation had set in. Instead of being inspirational, my resolutions became reminders of how I’d failed to show up for myself and follow through.

In society and culture where we are raised to value accolades and achievement, this annual cycle leaves many feeling deflated and frustrated.  Understandably, though misguidedly, we have tied self-worth to how well we achieve our goals…and the stress of doing so keeps us from creating and enjoying the life we’re working so hard to build.

If this sounds familiar, the chances are that it’s not that you aren’t capable of making things happen, but that the way you’ve traditionally gone about it isn’t working.  It starts with selecting the right resolution for you, and also, a different approach behind what you do to achieve those goals that will fuel your success.

As a dentist-turned-certified professional coach who specializes in performance and well-being, there is a wealth of resources that I draw from to create transformational success for myself and for my clients. 

Here are some things I’ve learned along the way to help you pick the right resolutions for you and how to go about achieving them.

• Set goals from a mindset of abundance and gratitude. The mindset you start with will influence your outcomes. If you focus on the ways your life isn’t up to par, you may end up perpetuating those same issues. Instead, when you approach your life with gratitude and a sense of abundance, what you create can be far greater. For example, if you’re unhappy with your health, rather than criticizing yourself and resorting to harsh dieting or unrealistic exercise goals that can lead to burnout, focus on the wonderful ways your body has served you and all the things it will be able to do as a result of you going to the gym or eating better. Negative self-talk creates negative results.  Taking action from a place of positivity, gratitude, and abundance will yield richer ones.

• Align your goals with your personal values. Understanding your core values and aligning your goals with them is vital. We may have many values, but often a few stand out as most meaningful. Recognizing these core values can make your pursuits feel authentic and achievable. 

• Not sure what your values are? This is where having support from a certified coach can be life-changing. For example, I once coached a physician mom who cherished her family but often overcommitted at work, limiting her time at home. By exploring her values and how they influenced her aspirations, she learned to set empowering boundaries and ultimately created the work-life integration she once thought was a distant dream.

• Consider how your goals benefit others as motivation. You’re more likely to achieve a goal if it’s tied to a larger purpose. For instance, my client from the last example realized that changing her approach to work not only benefited her, but also allowed her to spend more time with her kids, which improved her focus professionally. Everyone won—her patients, co-workers, family, and herself, because she showed up as the best version of herself in every setting with ease and authenticity.

• Trust the process. The road to success is never straight.  Each step is important.  Learn to honor the journey.  Some days will feel great, and some will feel like you’re moving at a snail’s pace or missing the mark altogether.  It’s all a part of the process. Adopting this mindset allows you to receive what is meant for you in greater abundance, with less stress.  

• Pick the right types of goals. There are two types of goals.  Means goals are specific but not always aimed at the root of what we really want. End goals, however, honor how we want to feel and what we want to experience. For example, instead of saying, “I want to lose 10 pounds,” try rephrasing it to, “I want to be the healthiest version of myself.” This perspective will lead to better results and help you avoid the cycle of obsessing over weight and food. This is because the emphasis goes away from the black-and-white number on the scale that bounces around with hormonal and sleep fluctuations, and shifts to the sensations and emotions of simply feeling better.

• Use a vision board. I used to dismiss vision boards as fluff, but it turns out there’s real science behind their effectiveness. Place your board where you’ll see it daily; our brains respond strongly to visuals. The Reticular Activating System kicks into play when it notices the visuals in front of us to help focus on our goals, making it easier to spot opportunities and remain motivated.

• Remember that it’s not all or nothing. Moderate your approaches and give yourself grace. Allow yourself to enjoy life while honoring sleep, relationships, and self-care. For instance, if you want to get in shape, you don’t have to eat salads every day. Aim to eat sensibly, and if you’re celebrating a friend’s birthday, enjoy a slice of cake without guilt or fear of “breaking your streak.”  The name of the game is consistency over intensity or perfection.

• Make fun a priority. Too often, we take life too seriously. When we incorporate fun and play into our pursuit of what matters to us, we’re more likely to stick with it. And, when we’re having fun, we’re more likely to find the inspiration to keep going, build community along the way, or even go deeper in our efforts with more ease.  For example, if you’re looking to get in more steps, you can start out with a 30 minute walk by yourself.  If you add in a walking buddy or a great podcast to listen to, you might find yourself able and willing to do 45 or 60 minutes without it being a “thing” that weighs you down.

• Reevaluate your timing. According to Ayurveda, the best time for setting goals is mid-spring on the Gregorian calendar. January falls in the kapha season, which is meant for introspection and nurturing, not for action. I find that if I fully immerse myself in the holiday season and wait until February or March to focus on my goals, I feel more motivated and clear when it’s time to take action as the weather warms up.

• Find support from those who believe in your dreams. Building in community, connection, and accountability is key to creating and sustaining meaningful success. Friends, family, mentors, therapists, and coaches can each provide valuable encouragement and resources in unique ways. Choose your support wisely based on your needs.  Therapy is geared towards helping people resolve past trauma and navigate mental health conditions, behavioral conditions, and substance abuse disorders so they can be more present in their lives.  Coaching is designed to help take people from where they are and propel them forward to new heights, and is based on the idea that the client is the expert in their own life.  Mentorship serves a similar function, but is very different in that it is based on the idea that the mentor is the expert, not the mentee. 
• The leveled-up version of you won’t always be something your current circle understands, and it’s more than ok to build out your circle to be more inclusive of people who share the ideals and values you’re looking to highlight in your life. Don’t let anyone else’s limited imagination or perception of who you are restrict your aspirations or how you take action toward achieving them. 

These mindset shifts and practices are present in my every day, and can help you make meaningful, sustainable shifts in your life, all while enjoying it to the fullest, turning down the stress that often comes with building new habits, all while achieving more than you ever thought possible.

Looking for more support from me? Click here to grab my guided breathwork session designed to help you de-stress, be present for the people you love, make decisions more effectively, and show up with more confidence and ease anytime, anywhere.