Well, it’s officially autumn.  Well, not so much in Texas, but still.  I find that whenever seasons change, particularly in the fall, it often becomes a time for introspection.  Maybe it’s the fact that autumn signifies the end of the growth period. Maybe it’s that the unending days of a long, carefree summer are quickly fading.  Maybe it’s because the year is almost over, and once you start reflecting on all the goals you had set for this year that you accomplished (or didn’t), it becomes obvious how much you have left to do. But regardless of the reason for introspection, it’s a wonderful and beautiful thing.  

Reflecting on an entire year of events can give you clues as to how you need to grow; how you want to grow. Is what you are doing right now making your heart sing? Does it make you smile?  Is your mindset one that lifts another up, or tears down those around you? 

Here’s the thing about growth though: in order to grow, you have to let go.  I don’t know from whom I got that, exactly, though I’m sure it’s been said by many people in one way or another.  Without examining what it is that’s anchoring you down, you can’t expect to rise above. It’s important to stay anchored—to your Self, to what matters to you, be it family, or your faith, or whatever. But I’m talking about letting go of the anchor as in letting go of dead weight that is your source of unhappiness or suffocation. Letting go can be really hard, even scary.  

The thought of walking away from something that was a part of my life for years was unthinkable for me.  The more I thought about taking a break from dentistry, the more restless I got. I just couldn’t find the joy and magic in life that I once saw.  Being a dentist was all I knew, all I had worked for since before I can remember. Sure, I had taken breaks from it before, but they weren’t really breaks—they were maternity leaves.  So the prospect of taking a break to pursue something else that I loved seemed ludicrous.  I mean, why take a gamble on something when I have a good thing going? It’s risky. There’s a potential for failure.  I could be laughed at. The list of anchors seemed endless. Sure, I was still grateful for all the amazing things in life that I had, but I felt like a stranger in my own body.  At times, I even felt guilty; I had everything I had ever worked for, so feeling unfulfilled just seemed like I was being ungrateful. But feeling guilty only served to worsen my perspective.  And one day, I had just had enough—enough feeling guilty, enough negative self-talk, enough caring about what others will say or think, just…ENOUGH. So, I decided to just let it all go; to breathe in the good stuff and exhale the bad.  And while I still have days that seem heavier than others, for the most part, I feel like a new person.  Not worrying about what others think is still a challenge, but it’s sure getting easier. I never thought I’d be someone willing to talk in front of a camera for a social media story, or be comfortable striking random asanas in public places, but here I am, doing it. 

So, even though the leaves are falling now, there is a lot of growth happening that is unseen.  The trees are letting go of their old leaves, taking some much needed rest, and in the spring, they will grow taller, fuller, greener, stronger. I will, too, because I choose to let go, and grow.