So often, we find ourselves carefully arranging our lives like a well-organized closet, each emotion neatly tucked away into its designated box. We convince ourselves that whatever happens in one area of our life should stay confined to its box, ensuring it doesn’t “spill over” into other areas. You had a challenging morning with your kids? Stuff that frustration in the “home life” box and seal it up tight. You believe this way, your work won’t be affected. Or maybe it was a grueling day at work, and you tuck that stress away in the “work” box, hoping it won’t seep into your evening at home.

The trouble is, we are not built like closets or organized with boxes; we are human beings, complex and interconnected.

When we try to compartmentalize our emotions, we’re not solving the problem; we’re merely postponing the inevitable. If we’ve had a tumultuous morning at home, it subtly yet unmistakably colors our perception at work. The minor glitches suddenly seem more aggravating, and we react defensively. Similarly, if work has been stressful, we tend to carry that tension into our homes, affecting our relationships. Over time, our emotional health wanes, relationships suffer, and our overall performance takes a hit.

Welcome to the journey of understanding the unseen damage of compartmentalizing emotions. We’ll delve deeper into why this well-intended coping mechanism fails, what it does to us, and explore healthier ways of managing our emotions.

What Does It Mean to Compartmentalize Emotions?

Compartmentalizing emotions is a psychological defense mechanism that we often use to avoid confronting difficult feelings. By mentally categorizing and isolating different aspects of our lives, we attempt to keep distressing emotions related to one area from influencing another. For example, if you’re going through a painful breakup, you might try to “box away” your heartache while at work, so it doesn’t affect your professional performance.

Essentially, you’re trading your long-term goals and desires (a deep and loving connection with your spouse and kids, a team that’s engaged and works well together, confidence in your leadership and communication, being at the pinnacle of your health, etc) for short-term relief from the discomfort of what is an ever-evolving or temporary circumstance (Your kids not listening to you the first time around, your partner not taking out the trash, a team member who never has difficulty following through, or the desire to skip a morning workout and sleep in instead). 

 It might seem that compartmentalizing these things feels good and is effective–or even necessary– in the here and now, but it is a recipe for creating more unstable situations where you’re more likely to have an emotional breakdown that actively keeps you from living your desires out–yelling at your spouse, firing off a nasty email to your co-worker, or binge-eating that bag of potato chips instead of going to bed.

Signs of Compartmentalization

Knowing whether you’re compartmentalizing can be tricky since it often operates at a subconscious level. Here are some signs that could indicate you’re compartmentalizing your emotions:

• You often feel like you’re “putting on a mask” or playing a role in different areas of your life.
• You have a hard time remembering how you truly feel about situations or people.
• You experience sudden, unexplained mood swings.
• You feel numb or disconnected from your emotions.
• You find it challenging to be present in the moment.

The Domino Effect of Emotion Compartmentalization

Picture this: You have a heated disagreement with your partner in the morning. You swallow your frustrations and head to work, assuming you’ve successfully locked up those emotions. Suddenly, you find yourself snapping at your colleague over a trivial issue. Sound familiar? That’s emotional compartmentalization in action. Despite our best efforts to keep personal and professional emotions separate, they have a tendency to bleed into one another. Over time, this can take a toll on our emotional health, relationships, and performance.

The same principle applies when we bring work-related stress home. Frustration from a tough day at the office can translate into impatience towards our loved ones. This frequent emotional spillover can strain our relationships and diminish our overall wellbeing, as energetically drain us to the point of feeling deep resentment, frustration, guilt, shame, and so much more.  These emotions only serve to hinder our abilities to function at our highest level.  Our performance suffers, as well as our ability to feel the deep sense of inner peace and contentment we want so badly. Remember, it’s not about completely eliminating compartmentalization—sometimes, it’s a necessary coping strategy. The key is to ensure it’s not your only strategy and that you’re regularly checking in with your emotions across all areas of your life. Balancing emotional expression with compartmentalization leads to healthier, more fulfilling relationships and a more balanced life.

Compartmentalization Among High Achievers

High achievers often display exceptional compartmentalization skills, utilizing it as a tool to optimize productivity and efficiency. However, when relied on too heavily, it can lead to emotional disconnect and stress. Here are three areas where high achievers commonly compartmentalize and some suggestions on how to manage it:

1. The Goal-Getter: High achievers are often laser-focused on their goals, which can lead to compartmentalizing personal needs or emotions to stay on track. For example, a business leader might ignore feelings of exhaustion to meet an important deadline. While this might seem effective short-term, it is a lie that the Ego tells.  Chronic neglect of emotional well-being can lead to burnout, weight-gain, communication that breaks down teamwork and culture, and overall decreased performance in all areas of life. High achievers can avoid or remedy this by scheduling regular time for rest and relaxation, emotional check-ins, and support from a coach or therapist, depending on their individual circumstances, to name a few options.
2. The Team Leader: Leading a team or a project can require compartmentalizing personal challenges to maintain focus on team dynamics and project goals. However, unresolved personal issues can subtly influence decision-making and leadership style. Acknowledging personal issues and addressing them outside of work can lead to more heart-centered leadership. Mindfulness practices, journaling, or talking to a trusted confidante can be helpful tools.
3. The Perfectionist: High achievers often strive for perfection, compartmentalizing feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure. This compartmentalization can lead to anxiety and self-critical thoughts, hindering overall performance and well-being.  Perfectionism can lead to placing unrealistic expectations on themselves or those around them, causing them to “nit-pick” at every flaw and short-comming, no matter how inconsequential they may be.    This demand for perfectionism can leave those under their leadership feeling disempowered, devalued, and unseen, which eventually affects team morale and performance.  It’s important for high achievers to develop self-compassion and realistic expectations. Coaching can be invaluable here, providing tools to manage perfectionism and foster a healthier self-view.

The Danger of Denying Emotions

By compartmentalizing emotions, we’re essentially denying our feelings, or in simpler terms, fighting what is. This resistance gives more power to our negative emotions and can lead to an emotional outburst akin to a toddler’s meltdown in a grocery store.  

Instead, we benefit from aiming to accept our emotions for what they are, without labeling them as bad or unwanted. In practice, it could be as straightforward as telling a coworker, “I had a rough morning,” or sharing with your family that your day did not go the way you wanted it to.Verbalizing our feelings in a healthy manner allows us to process them better, extending understanding to those around us and opening the door for support.  As Brené Brown so aptly puts it, “Language is our portal to meaning-making, connection, healing, learning, and self-awareness. Having access to the right words can open up universes.”

Life is Interwoven, Not Compartmentalized

Our lives are more like a rich tapestry than a set of neatly divided boxes. Each thread intertwines with others, creating an interconnected network. A change in one area of our lives can affect other parts, for better or for worse. For example, improving our attitude at work can lead to happier relationships at home and vice versa.

The Key to Emotional Awareness and Acceptance

The real power lies in developing awareness of our emotions and accepting them. We need to allow ourselves to genuinely feel our emotions, understanding that life is a cycle of highs and lows. By creating space for both, without attaching self-worth to our feelings, we open the path to a more balanced, harmonious life.

Life Coaching Techniques to Manage Compartmentalization

While it’s natural to want to avoid discomfort, constantly compartmentalizing emotions is like applying a band-aid to a deep wound; it may temporarily hide the problem, but it won’t facilitate healing. Here are some life coaching techniques to manage compartmentalization:

1. Mindfulness: Stay present and aware of your feelings, without judgment or the need to immediately act on them.
2. Daily Reflection and Gratitude: Making time to consistently practice this is often the most impactful thing a person can do to start seeing the changes they want to see in life.  By creating space in your mind to think without distraction, and attuning your thoughts to what is going well allows you to shift your energy towards being more compassionate towards yourself and others, which leads to excellence in leadership, performance, and health.
3. Emotional Expression: Find healthy outlets for your feelings, such as journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or engaging in creative activities like painting or dancing.
4. Self-Care: Regularly engage in activities that replenish your energy and emotional resilience, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature.
5. Professional Support: If your emotions are creating overwhelm, feelings of being stuck, constantly stressed, and an inability to be at peace in the present moment, seeking support from a professional, such as a credentialed life coach.

About Life Coach Dr. Seema

Dr. Seema Desai is a certified life coach dedicated to guiding individuals on their journeys to emotional well-being. She firmly believes that everyone has the innate ability to overcome challenges and build a life of fulfillment and joy. Through a unique blend of compassionate listening, insightful questioning, and practical coaching techniques, Dr. Seema provides a supportive space for her clients to explore their emotions honestly and openly, empowering them to develop healthier coping mechanisms and lead more balanced lives.

By understanding the concept of compartmentalization and its effects, you’re already taking a significant step towards emotional wellness. The next step? Get a complimentary coaching session with Dr. Seema!